thundering echoes ring throughout the gorge as you howl like the wolf, and like the wolf your beauty and charming presence lures me in, all the while the wild sits just below the surface. tantalizing and elegant, fierce and cunning – you are the reason I dream of the woods.
traversing along ridges of slandering slopes you turn to me with your wandering gaze, illuminating my view of a woman whose heart, soul and body encompasses all that is beautiful and wild in this world.
from afar you watch,
as i change and transform in front of your eyes.
building a new life, without you.
growing, without you.
learning, without you.
loving, without you;
but what you don’t know-
is that i would tear down everything
just to do these things
my mind paces with this reoccurring dream of you.
the moment in which you stood behind me,
running your fingers through my hair.
i look back towards you,
your eyes inviting me into this moment of complete bliss as you kiss my forehead.
you then wrap your arms around my waist and kiss my neck.
holding me tight you whisper in my ear, a promise;
that you would never let go.
i had a feeling last night that i’ve never felt before.
i was suffocating, gasping for breath as my chest convulsed in nightmarish ways.
the thoughts that raced through my mind crippled me to a state of such disarray i couldn’t pull myself from.
numbed to my pain, powerless. i had no choice but to lay there and let it consume me. pulling me down, far past any sense of hope.
and in that moment, i felt utterly withdrawn. i felt neither here nor there nor present at all.
i could feel my entire body rattling.
my arms, tightening their grip.
my heart, screaming to be held.
and my eyes, washed away with these blurred perceptions of a world i once recognized.
a hole – hallow with regret and pity. self loathing and malice. It haunts me, follows me. this darkness i carry. it’s guilt and grief, engulfing me in such a depression that i hardly feel the ability to control my life. tearing me apart whenever i think of you; of what i did. the hurt i brought you and the way i simply walked away, abandoning you in my destructive wake. i just want to scream – thinking of you brings so much hurt to my heart. yet, i loathe in it. allowing it to take over with relentless vengeance. and i don’t know what to say to you, where to begin. you see, i want you, i do. but i know i can’t have you. and it’s not you, believe me, hear my words- i am a broken man.
Adventurous at heart, I long for this encompassing journey to the unknown; to pass under bridges of peculiar nature and pander the views of its infinite. This place, unknown, unexplored by none to tell of its copious tale; life’s greatest conundrum, revealed. The very meaning of life in complete candor. This journey, drawing my deepest temptation as my curiosity wanders this mystic destination. And as I sit here, I can’t help but feel a wailing desire to accompany my friend wherever he goes next. You see, death is life’s ultimate adventure; the destination ultimately unknown. And as his family mourns his death, I celebrate his wondrous journey. I revere his death in its fullest, most beautiful form because demise is inevitable; but the journey continues.